By Tiffiny Carlson

As a woman with a spinal cord injury, it’s hard for me to fully relate to men with spinal cord injuries (SCI); so many of them seem very masculine, attempting to make-up for their physical loss perhaps. I’ve met hundreds of SCI men and a huge proportion of them seem to have inflated macho attitudes. But why, and is this at all correlated to no longer being able to get an erection on their own and losing the ability to ejaculate?

I think it’s interesting to delve deeper into why SCI men so badly desire to be able to ejaculate again. Erections, for many of these men, are simply not enough. They want to see actual semen leave their body. But why? Why not mourn the loss of walking even more? Many SCI guys don’t….it’s a fascinating subject if you think about it.

I have been paralyzed for over 13 years (diving accident), but I’m female. I can understand the loss of walking, but for me my sexuality otherwise has mostly remained intact. SCI women don’t lose as much in the sex department, in my opinion, if you ignore the loss of intense sensations, that is. So for ThisAbled’s very first article on sex, what better subject than this?

I have interviewed dozens of men with SCI all over the world in regards to ejaculation, and why it’s so important to them to be able to do it. Not surprisingly, many gave me the same reason, only in different verbiage of course.

In Their Own Words

“For one, it provides some sensation at least for me; nothing like pre injury, but a bit of a feeling. Also, if you could ejaculate then you can potentially have children and use home methods,” says a 29 year old para from Connecticut.

“It's important for guys to ejaculate during sex because men are very visual beings. That's one of the reasons men probably buy way more porn than women (not to mention the fact that we are just plain dogs). The ‘money shot’ is the visual representation of male orgasm. With diminished sensation, you compensate for sexual enjoyment/satisfaction through other avenues. Visual is one of them. Being able to ejaculate is the visual affirmation that you are still a sexual man,” says Craig, a 38 year old quad from Pennsylvania.

“It's been 38 yrs since I ejaculated a good load of cum. It's frustrating not to be able to father children. It is not something I dwell on, but ejaculation is part of being a man,” says an anonymous SCI male.

“I can't cum or come. I have not been able to since my C-5-6 injury in a college football game in 1971. One doctor in the rehab hospital where I spent six months (care was cheaper then) told me chronic UTI’s destroyed the tubules in the testicles that produced semen. I never had an urologist test me to see if I somehow still could come. I know about the FertiCare stimulator, which could induce autonomic dysreflexia as a side effect.

I have never been married and have no girlfriend, so no one has been pressuring me to have sex; there was no need to test for my ejaculating ability. But why is cumming so important to an SCI male? It's a symbol of their masculinity and ability to procreate and ability to give a woman sexual pleasure. The 10 to 20 seconds in which the ejaculation takes place also could take the SCI male's mind back to his days as an able-bodied person.

I would give anything to come again, because most of my most memorable romantic encounters have included traditional ‘come’ orgasms. If an SCI cure were ever invented, I would tell a certain someone I loved her and would ask her to marry me. Then I would show her my newly rediscovered ‘skill.’ I am afraid to put any moves on her now because she knew me before my injury and probably couldn't adjust to the current me. Besides, she divorced her husband of 32 years just three months ago. It's a little too soon.

Van Quad put it best, ‘There's nothing like watching your boys swim under a microscope,’” says Peter, a C5-6 writer from Connecticut.

“Well I don't think of it as being SO important, but it would be nice. I think it's just reassuring to know that the ‘equipment’ still works. I think guys grow up with their brains saturated with hormones and their concept of masculinity centered around their cock. When it stops responding or performing its function it can be quite a blow to the ego. I think it would be great to cum again, but it would be a LOT better to restore some fucking sensation. That's my $.02, now I've got to go find a hammer to test the structural integrity of my skull,” says a T6-7 para.

“It lets me know I can be a dad without all the equipment. Also, because I am an incomplete I can feel a little bit, and even that is something,” says a C-7 quad from New Jersey.

“For me, the ejaculation part was a mental thing - not being able to was symbolic. I'd think, ‘Men should be able to do this!’ and my self-esteem was damaged. If I had been able to orgasm, ejaculation or not, I wouldn't have cared so much. It's the pleasure of it that counted, not what it physically looked like.

The idea of never having an orgasm again is a terrifying one, as all of us here know. I cried myself to sleep many times wondering if I could ever feel pleasure again,” says Dave, a T5 para from New Jersey.

“I broke my neck when I was 17 years old, in the height of my sexuality, and was still in the habit of masturbating, then one day I ejaculated and was surprised that I still had the ability to do that. I've never been tested to find out if ‘my boys can swim’ so I don't think reproduction has much to do with it, but there definitely is an ‘ego issue’ attached to it.

I guess, most of the time I feel that I am ‘less of a man’ because of my disability and being able to ejaculate gives me enough of my manhood back,” says Jack, a C6-7 quad from Montana.

“If I had to rank order the triumvirate of sexual functions I would like restored and could only get 2 of the 3, I'd gladly surrender the ability to ejaculate for the ability to achieve a reliably hard and lasting erection and, even more desirably, the ability to orgasm. As far as restoring a diminished sense of manhood, a hard, durable erection easily trumps a teaspoon of man syrup.

An observation from my admittedly less than vast experience: ejaculation is not something women are particularly aroused by. It may give some women a sense of affirmation (a receipt, if you will) that they've satisfied a man, but in and of itself it's not a major turn on,” says an anonymous SCI male.

“Who cares if any goo is shooting. The main issue is the inability to orgasm and the post-climax hormonal changes that occur. Leads to that old 'sexual frustration' thing,” says an anonymous T6 para from Chicago, Illinois.

“I've gone from being able to ejaculate pre-SCI, to not being able to ejaculate post-SCI, and then being able to ejaculate again 18 years post-SCI; and now with the operation I am thinking of having done not being able to ejaculate 26 years post-SCI. Ejaculating for me does not really make all that much of a difference, I have no sensation below my chest anyhow. It was cool at first when I found I could ejaculate 18 years post-SCI, but the novelty wore off quickly,” says Curt, a T4 para from Rhode Island.

“Well, I think it's a number of things - virility, knowing you have the option to have your own biological kids, the ability to ejaculate is also intrinsically intertwined with the ability to orgasm.

I think a real big part of it is the confidence factor with women. I feel that because of the SCI & being in the chair, a lot of quads and paras are viewed as asexual beings, I think often times the AB (Able Body) mindset is, ‘Well if his legs don't work, I'm sure his (insert witty euphemism) doesn't work either.’ And being seen this way sucks.

A couple of weeks ago, with the eager help of a female friend I was able to both orgasm & ejaculate (over a year and a half post). All I can say is that it gave me a tremendous sense of relief. It has also given me a lot more confidence. Now, I'm not saying that I roll around announcing the fact that I can bust a nut, (hell truth be told, with my quad hands I can't accomplish the deed solo....at least not yet.) But knowing that I can makes me feel and act a little more normal.”

“The O & the E are twofold - it's the building tension, and then the release. The problem with SCI is that there is still the mental and sometimes physical building tension, but often times no release,” says an anonymous C6 quad.

“One part of the desire is that you can have kids naturally, assuming you're not sterile. Naturally, of course, being through intercourse, with or without an aid like Ferticare.

It's just an ease of use factor, along with an issue of normalcy. The electro-ejaculation and getting semen directly from a testicle methods just have a nails-down-the-chalkboard effect on me when thinking about them.

It's also a confidence issue. If you're looking to get into a relationship and you can ejaculate, you know that that's one piece of baggage you don't bring to the table. If you can't, it's another hit. ‘I'm a gimp, and I can't cum? Nobody's gonna want me.’

As others have mentioned, it's more about the O than the E. Pre-injury, there was nothing more relaxing than blowing your load. An O beat a joint by a mile for quick and easy relief.

Tense? No problem. Go find an empty bathroom or some private area and do your business,” says Steven, a C3 quad from South Carolina.

“Well, have any of you girls ever got all excited to meet some guy, he gets off in 5 minutes and you are just getting started? You know other guys can get you off several times, what do you do?

I have gotten older and changed some but when I was younger, if a girl didn’t get me off the first 2 or 3 times we had sex, I was looking for a new one. To be honest I was always looking, but no one wants a dead lay or built up unfinished job, male or female… There is nothing more satisfying than cumming deep inside a woman.

Something changed with age or parts. I don’t think any girl can get me off anymore; maybe due to unknown pain in my stomach. Since I got the Ferticare I think I enjoy sex more. And now instead of me, me, me, getting off, I love seeing how many times I can get a girl off. Maybe it’s mental orgasms for me?

You might say cumming is what our brains are wired to do, but when they don’t work, what to do? Can’t just totally stop wanting to. I’d like to shit, pee, and walk too but what do ya do? On the bright side, AB or SCI, cum or no cum, I will always enjoy the great taste of pussy,” says a C6-7 quad from Oklahoma.

“1. It’s mostly a mental thing. It’s hard to feel real manly when your manly parts don’t work.

2. I still have all those wants and desires that are attached to the memory of it. It’s my body that’s broke, not my mind,” says a SCI man from Naples, Florida.

“I've always felt that the E is more important than the O because a man's ability to perform and satisfy the woman he's with to me is the biggest component of manhood, and that means being able to get and maintain an E in order to have intercourse in the traditional manner. That's why all the ED drugs are so popular, because they help men get back the E,” says a C7 quad from Texas.

What Does It All Mean?

The consensus it seems from most of the men interviewed is that the ability to ejaculate is held in very high regard, but not as much as getting and maintaining an erection or orgasming, i.e., the release one feels after ejaculating.

Whether it’s the sweet memories they have of how their genitals used to function before their injury however, or from real sincere desire, ejaculating is still at the top of their lists. With the aid of the enormously helpful FertiCare Personal Vibrator, www.medicalvibrator.com, which costs approximately $695, thankfully many SCI men can do ejaculate for either sexual pleasure or to father children, all in the comfort of their own home (vs. a hospital stay which was standard in years before for semen extraction for the purpose of reproduction).

Now, the FertiCare isn’t the cure, so-to-speak, in the world of SCI and ejaculation. For many SCI men, this vibrator still can’t get them to ejaculate. FertiCare says one must sill have an intact ejaculatory reflex arch in order for the vibrator to be successful on them. They also claim that their vibrator has been proven successful on more than 85% of SCI men with a T10 injury or higher.

But perhaps you’re a SCI male and ejaculating means nothing to you. Than good for you! One less secondary affect of SCI for you to worry about. But for those of you who have a SCI and possibly feel alone, dare I say silly, in your desire to ejaculate, well you no longer have to feel that way.

The desire to ejaculate is transcendatory and doesn’t fade away into the consciousness if a man becomes spinal cord injured. It’s a natural desire ALL men feel, paralyzed or not.

Please Note: it is important to consult a knowledgeable urologist or doctor before trying products such as FertiCare. These products can cause Autonomic dysreflexia a highly dangerous condition in people with spinal cord injuries. Always consult a doctor. For more information, visit spinalcord.uab.edu.

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